


Here it's Always Raining

by Did_you_see_the_light_in_my_heart



Series: A Master Assassin And A God of Thunder [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Ambiguous place in the time line, But definitely before civil war, Friendship, Gen, Magic, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha enjoys her autonomy, Seidr, Spells & Enchantments, Thor (Marvel) is Not Stupid, Thor God of Fertility, it probably doesn't work like that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2020-12-17 07:30:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21050624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Did_you_see_the_light_in_my_heart/pseuds/Did_you_see_the_light_in_my_heart
Summary: The Avengers witness Thor bring back to life a dead plant in a display of unusual power.After a night of laughing and discovering a side of Thor's go-hood they knew nothing about, Natasha ponders on the what-ifs of this new knowledge she has.Fertility goes beyond there being good crops or having a healthy land, it's inside every woman and man. Not her though. But Thor's here... maybe she can get something back that was taken from her a long time ago?





	1. Green Thumb

Thor is all by himself in one of the many common rooms of Stark Tower. There's nothing particularly interesting about this one specifically, it just so happens to be the last place the god had wandered in his daily explorations.

He likes these little moments he has to himself, where he can take in the ins and outs of Midgard without his friends' good-natured scrutiny. The living room is quiet and the windows that give way to the city have a decorative rail for odd things.

Thor looks out of the window at the clear blue skies. When his gaze wanders down to the rail and its oddities he encounters a potted plant, dead from lack of care. He brushes his fingers on top of the crusty leaves. He bends down slightly for better access to the little thing and give it an assessing look. He takes in air and let's go a breath on top of the plant.

The brown leaves shudder and from within them, the color green spreads outward to the very tips of the plant. It fattens a healthy amount and rights itself up like a happy, well watered and sunbathed plant would after a good few weeks of care.

Thor smirks to himself at the results but snaps upright at an intake of air.

"You _did not_, just do that."

Clint Barton is standing at the entrance of the room, mouth all but hanging open at what he's just witnessed.

A light blush colors the god's cheeks, but he smiles. "Just one of my given attributes." He explains, but the shock on the archer' face does not leave him.

"Oh my god, Tony and Bruce are gonna lose it." He whispers quickly.

Thor should probably feel a little more apprehension than he does at his friends' wide-eyed expression.

* * *

"So explain this to me again, like I'm stupid, okay?" Tony asks as he plays around with a baseball. "You're actually, not kidding, when you say you're the god of fertility?"

Thor laughs heartily at that. The Avengers are gathered around the top floor's living room with the little plant Thor had revived on the coffee table as Tony plays a holographic video of Thor breathing literal life into it.

"I'm calling it, this is a hoax." He still says unhappily.

"Think what you want." Bruce says, eyeing the plant from every angle and examining the lush green leaves with wonder. "This is incredible, and if you're not seeing the possibilities it's because your scientific pride got hurt."

"Oh, burn!" Clint snaps with a hard laugh as Tony scoffs in indignation.

"I'm not buying it-" he says, but is promptly interrupted.

"Admit it Stark, it's magic." Natasha pushes at his buttons with a smirk. "Not everything can be explained." She all but sing songs.

"I call bull!" He shouts and joins Bruce by the plant.

"I will unbull that then." Clint jumps up from the couch and heads out of the room.

"Fertility then?" The doctor turns to Thor, who leans back comfortably on one of the couches.

"In so little words, yes," he concedes. "In my youth I used to help farmer's crops when I journeyed to Earth. The soils at home weren't as prone to give poor harvest as the ones here. That's how I got a better understanding of my power's reaches."

"Got it!" Clint shouts as he hops into the room again, a dead plant in his hands. "Thor." He bows as he offers the ceramic pot.

The God laughs as the archer looks Tony dead in the eye and smirks.

"I call bull on your bull." He looks at Thor and gives another exaggerated bow "Your Majesty, please grace us with the wonders of your innate _magical_ abilities." He stresses.

"It's a trick people, open your eyes!" Tony proclaims out loud but can't help the smile that wants to escape him.

"Well, seeing as you're all so eager." The blond stands up and looks at the burnt out greenery. He takes in a breath and blows gently over the leaves- and it happens. A beautiful transformation of dead browns and dull greys turn to a healthy green, the color popping so much it's one step from unnatural looking.

"Wow…" Tony and Bruce both breathe out with a sense of wonder.

The S.H.I.E.L.D. agents look just as star struck; it's truly a beautiful happening.

"Okay, I admit it, it's pretty magical." Tony says.

"It's amazing Thor," Natasha tells him, her eyes just a little brighter than before.

"It is nothing my friends, truly." He brushes off their reactions almost a little shyly. "In all honesty, it's not something I take too much pride in. After all, it is no skill of worth for a warrior."

"Now _that_ really I bullshit." Clint calls him out on it and Thor laughs.

"I know better now, do not worry my friend," the god concedes.

"Hey Thor," Bruce calls as he scrolls on his StarkPad. "I was reading more on your powers according to mythology. How much of an embellishment is the bit where your fertility powers extend to the physiology of people.

Every Avenger shuts up and looks at Thor as he smirks.

"There is no embellishment Dr. Banner." There are several astonished sounds across the living room as he continues. "Fertility is fertility, however you might look at it."

"Wait, wait, wait, wait." Tony crosses the space between them and takes the blonds shoulders. "How does that even work? Can you make people more virile?"

"Ladies and gentlemen, might I present to you Tony Stark, who has his head in fact, always in the gutter." Natasha says jokingly and they all laugh.

"Well, I am no God of love or passion, so I do not think it would quite work if I attempted to." He grins wildly. "Why? Do you desire children Anthony? Because that could be arranged."

"So in theory," Clint reasons "if you wanted to you could make Tony so fertile any woman he slept with would end up pregnant?"

"Oh, it is no theory I can assure you of that." Thor says raising his chin slightly, sure of his abilities.

"Please don't," the mechanic says rapidly. "Pepper would kill me."

They laugh again and sit comfortably in the couches as they discus their brand new topic.

"But really Thor, what can you do with it? What are the limits? _Are_ there even any?" Bruce leans forward, curiosity bursting from his inquisitive eyes.

"And why didn't you ever told us about it?" Adds Clint.

"For the same reasons that I don't often display these sort of things I suppose," the god says as he brushes the plant he most recently revived. "Doesn't really help while in battle now, does it?"

"So?" Bruce insists and the rest of them quiet to listen.

Thor leans back on the couch and sighs as he thinks.

"Well, I bless newly wed couples back in Asgard when they're eager to conceive and it works wonders for them. Sometimes women who have lost their fertility with time- though it happens rarely. But the Aesir have such control of their biology that it's hardly necessary. As I said, the extent of my abilities was not truly discovered until I landed on Midgard and helped occasionally. With their pregnancies so children would grow strong and survive harsh weathers. And the land so it would be plenty fruitful."

"Wow, all those dark age women getting it on with the God of Thunder, that must've been a treat. To be blessed by the gods, bet they lived very unhappy lives after you left, all that frustration must've driven them mad!" Tony jokes in a mock-serious voice.

"Oh, do not be jealous my friend. You can have children of your own if you so desire it," Thor says just as jokingly.

"Um, what do you mean?" The mechanic asks, the grin leaving his face as he looks at the god weirdly.

"Now, how do I explain this?" Thor rubs his hands, looking up briefly as he thinks. "There are sometimes men on Asgard who wish they were given the gift of life at their birth, and sometimes women who wish it hadn't been given to them. While I could help with these women's problems, it is as easily fixable to pay an enchantress to cast a spell for that. It is much harder to conceive a child if one was born a man. _That_ I can help with." He finishes with a big grin, slapping his hands on his legs as they all stare at him wide eyed.

"That is so freaky man, what the hell?" Tony says still trying to process.

"As I said my friend, no need to be jealous of the fairer sex." The god rounds back again to the topic. "You only need to ask it of me." He extends his open palm to Tony's belly.

"What are you doing?" The mechanic jumps off the couch and backs away, eyeing the hand like it has rabies.

"Well, it seems quite obvious to me that you resent the fact that you cannot have children of your own," he walks closer to Tony as he backs away. "Of course the noble thing to do here would be to offer what help I may, as a good friend would."

"No. Back off!" Tony jumps away as the blond mock launches at him.

The Avenger laugh as the two run around the living room, the raven-haired placing all manner of objects between them to avoid the extended arm and attached hand.

"It's not too painful, I swear on my honor." Thor grins widely and the other skitters away, passing over the couch and throwing a pillow at the blond.

They're all having the laugh of their lives, holding their stomachs' at the sheer absurdity of the situation and Tony's absolute mortification.

They are so engrossed in the situation that not one person notices the blank look on Natasha's face.

All she can think about is waking up on the cold of the slab, and the pain that spreads all the way from her lower abdomen to her stomach and tights.

"I swear to God if you don't back off, I'm going to find away to blast you into the next life!" Tony shouts.

The redhead snaps out of it and assesses her situation. She plasters a porcelain smile on her face so perfect not even Clint would be able to tell it's the grandest bullshit she's pulled in months now.

There, in her lower abdomen, throbs the phantom pain of surgical procedures unwanted. And Natasha ponders…


	2. Give Me A Choice

When night comes and everyone has retired to their rooms, Natasha lays in bed wide awake and still, as she stares into the perfect ceiling her, mind is restless.

It had been fun, they'd all had a lot of fun, even Tony who turned out to be the butt of the joke most of the time. The conversation they'd had about Thor's powers had been interesting, and by the end they had all but fallen to the floor with laughter. It had been nice and they'd all had such a good time together. It had been _fun_. Then she had realized the implications of their discussion and it'd stopped being funny.

She places her hand on her lower abdomen and traces her fingers over the bumpy line of scar tissue. Her eyes are vacant as she goes through all the things that were said and revealed once again.

It still amazes her how easily one could get information out of a person when they're doing nothing more than joking around. Being who she is, of course she had gotten every single detail out of their conversation, everything said and unsaid she had unintentionally untangled, analyzed, and categorized. It was just second nature to her now.

Thor, God of fertility. Who would've thought?

If Natasha really thinks about it, it's sort of stupid where her train of thought has led her. She should be asleep and enjoying the fact that she has not one single thing to do or mission to prepare for, this is basically a vacation. She should be asleep, not wasting her time on useless topics that have long come to pass and for which she can honestly do nothing about.

But …

She doesn't really want children. She doesn't even have a partner to have children with –not that that could actually stop her if she really wanted a child.

Natasha turns to her side and faces the window; a lock of hair falls on her face. Out there the sky is barely dark with the lights of the city but she can still see the starry night.

And really, it's not like she'd have a child with her line of work, that would be irresponsible and dangerous for all parties involved, but… Clint had done it.

She scoffs softly. She is not Clint, she can't do what he does. Sometimes she's still raw around the edges.

Children. How very childish of her.

So it's settled. Natasha closes her eyes and wills herself to sleep once and for all, taking a deep calming breath.

She opens her eyes and sighs in frustration when she has to accept that, no, this has in fact, not been settled at all.

Why is she still thinking about this? It's not happening, she's fine after all. She's lived like this almost as long as she can remember, what would even be the point of it?

The point?

Well… choice would be the point.

She doesn't want to have children, not really, but… what if she wanted to? In the future? What if one day she changed her mind and it was too late? And even if she never wants children, the operation… it has been a thought so long in the back of her mind, like something she didn't want to look at, but knew was there. Now that she's looked, there's no way she can take her eyes away.

This is a thought that burns her mind, her memory, her body. It's been years, but sometimes she imagines she can feel a twinge of pain in her lower abdomen, then she remembers.

Through her life Natasha has had a great many choices taken from her, this had just been one of many, but it was her body, hands inside her organs and her blood spilling out. It hadn't hurt that much, but she remembers the aftermath, _that_ had been painful. She'd felt wrong all over, there was a scar she didn't remember getting too, it was chilling.

That choice had been taken from her and…

She wants her choices back, her autonomy. Ever since she had joined S.H.I.E.L.D. she had been working alongside Clint to rectify her conditioning. It has been a long, painful and tiring path, but she's managed, though some days she still has to work on it.

Natasha likes things now, she can go buy ice cream on her own and actually _care_ what flavor she chooses instead of being infinitely indifferent about it. If the Avengers are having a movie night she can have an opinion on what kind of movie she likes and doesn't.

Choices. Life is full of choices. Every turn and step is something for her to decide and she absolutely loves it.

She closes her eyes and remembers.

* * *

"_I'll buy you a book, I swear, just come with me. I wont take long." Clint said, dragging her along or as much as small pushes on the back could be considered dragging someone._

"_What kind of book?" Natasha asked, her face blank as they walked across the street towards the little bookshop._

_He looked at her funny, but didn't stop._

"_Dunno, whichever book you like. But it can't be one of those super expensive shits over 50 bucks. I don't have that kind of cash." He warned her._

_The bell at the door tinkled as they went in._

"_Morning." Smiled an old lady behind the counter as she flipped a page of her tome._

"_Morning." Clint greeted back with a smile._

_Natasha followed after him as he looked through the shelves up and down._

"_What are you buying?" The recently converted assassin asked._

_Since she'd begun working for S.H.I.E.L.D. she'd spent almost all her time with the witty archer, he always asked her to come with him shopping or just random places like this one. Probably so her superiors could keep an eye on her in case she decided being on the "good side" didn't suit her anymore. It was a smart decision, logical. Natasha would've done nothing less, she'd probably have slapped a tracker on herself for good measure, but company was fine too._

"_Hm…" He made a sound as he skimmed over the covers. "A book on color theory, a friend's birthday is coming up, she's always talking about making her home the pique of a perfect house. Color is very important, so I've heard." He chuckled._

_Clint was a good spy, but Natasha was too, there was a lie there but she wasn't sure where. She'd look into it later… or not; it wasn't her job anymore after all. But it never hurt to have a bit of black mail on her partner in case things with S.H.I.E.L.D. got compromised._

"_There it is." He grinned triumphantly and turned to her, showing off his acquisition. "Stop following me, Romanov." He laughed good naturedly as she stood there looking idly at the cover. "Go pick a book of your own. I told you if you came with me I'd buy you one."_

"_I don't need a book," she answered easily but frowned when Clint snorted._

"_And I don't need a collection of slasher film posters, but I still have it. __**Pick something**__," he insisted._

_Natasha was taken aback for a moment. What would be an appropriate book to choose? What would Clint like her to decide? This was probably a test; she needed to think like him in order to get this right._

_The smile on Clint's face began diminishing._

"_Natasha." He began and she straightened her back, Clint only called her name when he wanted to be serious or get a point across. "I swear there is no ulterior motive, it was just a nice gesture. You don't have to pick anything if you don't want to."_

_She stopped and looked at him dead in the eye. This was it. It had been a moment like this, the way he'd convinced her to do good. He'd told her later, 'Sometimes people just do good things'. She'd always had a hard time believing him, but moments like this… they reminded her why she was here, why she'd decided to go with Clint and work for S.H.I.E.L.D._

"_Okay…" Natasha said "What… what should I choose?" She looked around, there were way too many options for her liking._

"_What genre do you like?" Clint began walking backwards. "Action? Mystery? Drama? Romance?" His smile was back as he pointed at each of the labels as he passed them "Or are you more of a autobiography person? Memoirs? I'm not a fan myself to be honest. How about historical fiction? Those are nice, tend to be sad though."_

"_I don't know." She really didn't know. She'd read a ton of books, but all of those had had a purpose, information on an enemy, interest of a target, weaponry design- her reading had always been a necessity for the next mission, or for training "What do you think I'd like?"_

"_Everyone's different, Miss Romanov. That's the beautify of it." He looked around for a moment and grabbed a book "We can figure it out as we go." Clint offered it to her._

_The cover had a foggy and gloom image of London and the Big Ben*. "We have time don't we?"_

"_Yeah. I suppose we do."_

_She felt like smiling, though she didn't. Clint smiled enough for both of them anyway._

* * *

It sounds silly, but she likes having choices, making choices; she likes sticking to them and changing them if she doesn't like them anymore. Like when she orders different things to eat everywhere she goes. Or how she drinks her coffee with milk but no sugar and she can tell people to change her coffee if that's not what they've given her.

Aside from not making the worst possible of choices and having a… a kind of family, she supposes what she likes the most of her new life are the choices.

This… is pretty big. This isn't a choice that had ever been in her hands, she couldn't one day just suddenly decide she wanted to get pregnant, she just can't and that's it.

But Thor… he is a literal God. For as much as she had bothered Tony about it, she is still skeptical about a lot of things and most of today had been a big joke, perhaps he'd exaggerated the range of his abilities to make fun of Tony.

She remembers the dead plant in his hands and how really, truly magical it was when he breathed life to it so easily, like it was no effort at all.

It's hard to be skeptical with things like that, but everything has its limits, Thor is not all-powerful after all.

If she goes through with this, there are a lot of facts to consider.

First she'd have to confide in Thor, she'd have to show… vulnerability in a way. She'd have to explain what had been done to her, part of her history. She isn't the best of buddies with Thor, she'll be the first to admit that, but aside from the fact that showing weakness of any kind is never in her book of options, Thor is… he's good, just simply good. The kind of person Clint referred as 'Naturally Good' a bit like the archer himself.

While a part of her doesn't care about his opinion, there's also another part… Natasha doesn't want Thor to look at her through a different lens than she is used to. When he looks at her, he doesn't see the murderer, the cold-blooded killer. That would change if she went through with this, the conversation is very unlikely to go around the Red Room.

That was one thing.

Another is, the God of Thunder hadn't specified what the procedure entailed, for all she knows it would be just as painful –and scarring- as her initial operation had been.

Does she really need that? She is fine just as she is, what would be the point of adding new burdens to her already messed up head?

Natasha buries her face in her pillow and covers her head with her arms.

Why is she doing this to herself?

It… it wouldn't hurt to ask. Clint has taught her asking never took too much from her; it is easy and can be as uncompromising as she wants it to be.

The spy sighs and makes the tense muscles in her back soften.

She can ask. No harm would come from it.

Tomorrow, then. She doesn't have to make the choice this very moment.

She closes her eyes. Somewhere in the back of her mind she fears she's already decided.

Tired but still riled up, she tries to go to sleep again.

Tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The book Clint gives Natasha is Neverwhere written by Neil Gaiman. It's about being lost and forgotten.  
__________________
> 
> Abril: Hello everyone! Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter.
> 
> So I know there's a lot of controversy around this bit of character information on Natasha. But my thoughts on that specific scene from Age of Ultron are that when she referred to herself as a Monster she was actually talking about her killing a ton of people. The pregnancy thing, I believe at least, was because Bruce had say he couldn't give her children and Natasha just showed him, "hey I completely understand".
> 
> I also don't think that Natasha wanting the choice to get pregnant diminishes her character any. She can still be a badass and think, "damn I'm never going to be able to do this, what an absolute buzzkill".
> 
> THAT'S RAMBLING ENOUGH. I apologize. Gooday everyone :D sorry if I bothered anyone with this.
> 
> Also, also, on a last note. A lot of people seem to think this is a ThorxNatasha story, and while you're certainly allowed to view it like that, it's not where this story is heading. Sorry, I just don't want to get anyones hopes up.


	3. From The Heart To The Thunder God

Natasha centers herself as she takes the lift up to the floor were Thor's room is. She watches as the numbers light up and takes the time to go through the plan again. Well, it isn't really a plan, she just needs to get a good grasp on what she could be getting herself into- decide if it's even worth it.

When she gets to his door she takes a quiet breath and knocks.

"Ah, Natasha!" Thor greats her with a pleasant smile

"Hi, Thor. I wanted to talk to you, if you're not busy." She smiles back as she peers discreetly into his room, which is a strange combination of order and mess.

"Not at all. I was just sending digital correspondence to my Lady Jane and Darcy." He grins, proud of himself.

"That's good. Has your phone survived the experience?" She jokes.

"Yes!" he laughs. "I'm getting the… hang," he stretches the word out at the unusual slang, "of its fragility."

He stands aside. "Would you like to come in? Or we could go for a walk outside, or to the top floor?"

Thor offers her options she might choose from, always the gentlemen.

"We could walk outside," Natasha nods. "Bryant Park's nice and it's not too far."

"Excellent! You can lead me, I'm afraid I still don't know my way around New York all that well." He steps back and invites her in anyway. "Give me a minute my friend, I must change into something..."

"Inconspicuous?" She suggests.

"Quite right M'lady." He chuckles.

She almost rolls her eyes at the 'lady', but she doesn't mind him calling her that a whole lot. It's almost nice when Thor says it.

* * *

The day is gray, but bright. As they make their way to the park Natasha notices Thor closing his eyes and taking in a breath of the almost cold air with a pleased smile.

"Is this you?" She wonders aloud, nodding at the sky when Thor looks at her.

The blond turns his face up and smiles.

"I might be. It's quite a pleasant day and sometimes I notice not if it is the way it is because I'm pleasing my own self."

The wind ruffles their hair and Natasha has to admit it _is_ rather nice like this, cloudy but not raining. Her face gets serious, being with Thor makes her tranquil. It is so nice that, for a moment, the actual reason for their walk had escaped her.

_Is this him too?_ Can he affect others with his mood? How powerful is he if changing the weather is just an extension of his emotions?

When they reach the park Natasha turns to him as they continue walking.

"I wanted to talk to you." She says again and continues when he nods encouragingly. "I'm just, awfully curious about what we talked about last night." She says as a girlish grin spreads across her lips.

"I didn't quite want to ask questions with the possibility of two geniuses laughing at them," She angles her body a certain way and starts to turn up the friendly a notch, but stops very suddenly.

_What is she doing?_ Thor isn't a mission, he… he is a friend, and here she is, trying to goad him into giving her what she wants with manipulation she knows how to work down to a T.

When she looks back up at him there's a slight frown between his brows and she realizes then that he knows what she'd been doing just now.

"I'm sorry I… you noticed." She says a bit surprised.

"One does not grow up with a lying manipulator without picking up a few things about the art of deception," Thor answers amiably.

The redhead looks away, why had she done that? This was _Thor_; he would answer her questions even if they barely knew each other. He is just _that_ friendly with people.

"I did not mean to offend you," he apologizes, misreading her reaction.

"You didn't," Natasha amends. "I think I should be the one saying sorry." She tries to look apologetic.

"I also… like to think we have become friends…" he adds. "And that perhaps that might have allowed me a bit of insight into your personality, Natasha." He smiles kindly.

Personality. Sometimes she feels like she doesn't have one at all.

"Tell me, truly, what did you wish to talk about? I will not judge." He crosses his heart and she laughs a moment.

"Did you friend Darcy teach you that?"

The blond looks down with a slight blush, it gives her all the answers that she needs.

She composes herself as they pass bedside a bench and decides to sit, Thor follows her lead.

"I wasn't lying, though." She looks at him, she knows eye contact is important when wanting to get a message through. "I _do_ want to know more about what you can do."

"Natasha. There was no need for trickery of any kind. I'd gladly satisfy you curiosity if that's what you want," he says boisterous and warm.

She feels a slight and sudden spike of guilt in her chest. As she had thought, he would give her any information willingly. And then… she doesn't know why, but her resolve vanishes. She'd come out here to get intel before telling him anything, any of her secrets that he has no right too, but he's an open book to her and… Clint would say that it feels right, like when he'd decided not to shoot her or like when she'd decided to trust him.

So Natasha decides to trust Thor now, like he so readily seems to trust her.

"Before you tell me anything… I'd like to, share something with you first."

She crosses her arms and somewhere, the part of here that's always calibrating how she presents herself to others and how others present themselves, she knows this is what emotional shielding looks like. She ignores that part of her brain though.

Thor is resting against the bench, completely comfortable, but his whole attention is on her, she can tell.

"I was trained to become an assassin from a young age." Natasha decides to go for the short version, she's not sure she could offer more than a cold retelling of the story anyway. "A lot of things happened to me in there-"

She lowers her eyes for a moment. She's going to get through with this but she can already feel regret building up in her chest.

"Getting used to blood and death is a very hard thing, especially for a child," Thor says suddenly, his voice warm and rich.

"I never said I was… a child." Natasha looks up and frowns at what she sees.

"You did not have to," he smiles joyless. "Death is no stranger of mine, it has never been."

He understands, she realizes, at least some and… it gives her the heart to finish.

"I did…" Natasha sighs, "a lot of terrible things. Clint got me out of it, though. That's why I'm here, why I'm trying to be… an Avenger."

She rolls her eyes.

"I'm doing my best to change," she forces a smile out.

"That's a very noble thing to do, my friend."

They are quiet for a moment as they enjoy the breeze, the clouds have dispersed, which she thinks might be because of the sudden turn of topic.

"When my training was done the… there was graduation ceremony of sorts, to become a truly perfect assassin." Natasha feels herself dragging the topic and it annoys her.

"They'd sterilize you." She finally says it. "When you complete your training, they sterilize you. It's easier to do the job that way… less… possibility of attachment."

She looks him dead in the eye and appreciates when he waits for her to continue.

"What would it take… for you to…"

She doesn't want to say '_fix me_' she's _**not**_ broken, she's not an object that needs to be glued together, but she can't help what she thinks, how she feels. Because she _does_ feel broken and the fact that she's sterile is just one tiny fraction of why she feels like that.

"I don't even know if you were joking or not last night. Because if you were, well shit," she shrugs with a crooked smile. "Then this is really embarrassing."

"Natasha," Thor shifts forward and angles his body to hers. "I was not jesting."

"And… can you do it? Would it be possible?" There's a hopeful breath stuck in her throat, but she's the epitome of perfection on the outside.

"I can but…"

But. _Of course_ there would be a but.

"What you are asking me is different, more along the lines of-" He looks into the air, looking for the words he's missing.

"Giving a man the possibility to conceive?" She interrupts him with a joke.

"Indeed." He laughs lightly and takes one of her hands in his own. "If that is what you wish, it can be arranged."

These days Natasha's life does feel stranger than fiction.

"It is. I do wish that." She says and Thor smiles.


	4. Words Are Not Enough

With her hand held between his own Natasha finds she's glad to have trusted Thor with this. Despite occasional obliviousness and cultural misunderstandings from his part, he's as reliable as a steady rock when push comes to shove. She's so very glad for that.

The blond squeezes her hand reassuringly then lets go, and she gives him a faint smile, surprised by the quiet sense of giddiness in her stomach.

"So, how does it work?" She asks, eager to get on with it.

She notes the subtle shift in his demeanor as Thor straightens his back slightly and presents her a serious but open face, preparing to explain and answer her questions like a teacher. Somehow, he seems much older now, it reminds her of Tolkien's elves; youthful of face but old of mind.

"Well, I would have to assess first how your insides fare. This operation you had?" He looks at her for confirmation on the words. "If there was a lot of damage caused, or if something was taken. I have to be aware of these things, that way I may know what I need for the spell."

He's perfectly serious when he says _spell,_ but Natasha can't hide the smirk that touches her lips. Despite this, there's a growing pit in her stomach, an inner wariness that follows her around wherever she goes whenever she encounters things she doesn't fully trust.

"I'm guessing you don't mean to find this out with an X-ray? Are there things like that in Asgard?" She asks curious, imperceptibly settling herself down.

"Yes," he laughs lightly. "Not quite as… technological as you have here, and more on the magical side of things."

"Of course." She smirks.

"Of course." He wits right back at her. "But we can do without such things," he carries on "I am a bit out of practice, but it matters very little. With my seidr, I can perfectly get a feel of what goes on inside you." He tells her very sure of himself.

"What is your… _seidr_?" She tries to say it just like him, the r is strange sounding but she manages all right.

"Its… my essence." Thor says and places a hand on his chest. "My magic." He simplifies. "More like… what allows me to do magic."

The god sounds a bit mystified himself, like he doesn't know if the words he's using are the right ones.

Natasha thinks about what he's said for a moment and her skin begins tingling uncomfortably.

"_Magic. He used magic on me. It… it went into me, to my chest." Natasha rubs Clint's back in comfort as he stares into the grey wall._

_She has a knife with the trickster god's name engraved on it for the next time they meet. She's pretty sure her friend has a whole stack of arrows with it too._

She imagines how intrusive what Thor describes will feel like and she's not surprised to discover her heart is actually beating a little faster than usual.

In the back of her mind she remembers Loki- crazy-eyed and arrogant, carrying a bright blue staff that had taken her friend's mind and body captive. The blue, hypnotic glow that the weapon had possessed stays with her, as does the power she felt when it had been in her hands. But most of all she remembers Clint, waking up night after night, frightened out of his wits and slick with sweat, his breathing harsh and uneven. Clint, _her best friend_, unsure of what was real inside his mind.

"_He was in my head. I could __**feel him**__. Crawling inside like a fucking snake. And… gripping… in here." He'd told her in the darkness of his room, placing a hand on his forehead._

_He hadn't gone back home since the Battle of New York, too far from ready to confront Laura with this new found, invisible scar, still untamed and wild._

"_It's okay, it's okay." She had tried to be comforting as she held him in her arms._

"_No it's not, I-" he shuddered out a breath. "I sometimes feel like he's still inside my head and I… I don't trust that what's in there is mine. I've never felt something like that before." Clint was breathless for a moment._

"_Like what?" Natasha asked and struggled to hear his whispered answer._

"_Like I had another soul stuck inside me."_

She thinks about her memory for a moment. She knows Thor is not his brother, he's so far from it, but the word _magic_ still leaves a bitter taste in her mouth.

"Describe it to me. What do you do when you…" she frowns "feel with _seidr_?" Her words are calm, very subtly though, the redhead controls her breathing to slow her heart so Thor doesn't notice her unease.

He frowns to himself.

"That…" He makes a sound of consideration. "It's actually a hard question to answer?" He says with a rueful smile.

"How so?" She looks down as a puppy comes and gives them a few whiffs.

Thor pats it with a pleased expression until the dog is called away to his owner. The god turns his attention back to her.

"I have never actually thought about it, it's strange. It would be like trying to explain… how does one go about listening to sound? Nobody learns to hear, one just does. You either are born being able to listen or you are not." He tries to exemplify.

"You're saying it's a sense?" She asks, her eyebrows slightly raised in surprise.

"Maybe…" He wonders. "Perhaps in so little words it is. But it is so much more than that."

"Try to explain it anyway." She insists.

He thinks about it for a moment and when he doesn't speak again, she prompts him a bit warily, using what her fellow agent gave her to work with.

"Clint said… he once told me that when you brother mind-controlled him-" Natasha halts when Thor looks at her funny, a curious expression on his face.

"When he enchanted Clint?" She offers and Thor nods in understanding. "He said it felt like… having another soul inside his body." Though she tries to rein it in, from her face escapes a fraction of the disgust she harbors for the dark god.

The easiness they had shared up to this point starts slipping away. This is something they don't speak about, none of them. The Avengers have no lost love for Loki, but they all know perfectly well how much Thor still cares for him.

"That should have never been like that." The blond says, pondering to himself for a second.

When he looks at her, his eyes widen slightly in distress.

"My friend… feeling with my seidr, it is not painful at all and… it should not be felt with so much force as 'having another soul within one's self'. What my brother did," he looks pained as he says this, "it was wrong, and a horrid violation of the self."

She takes in a quiet breath as her mind brings Clint back to her, how broken he really felt and confessing to her his fears.

"_I… would it be too bold to say I feel like I've been…" He choked on his words; he couldn't even say them._

_Clint doesn't have to say anything though, Natasha understands._

"_No, it wouldn't." She'd acknowledged._

"My brother knew better than to perform any enchantments like that. He's a master in his craft and that… that should have never been at all, no matter how good a sorcerer he really is." His brother's actions weight heavily on his shoulders, so much so he seems to slump from the conversation alone.

Natasha can read the sadness in his face and the blames he takes as his own every time Loki is brought up. She doesn't understand why he takes so much responsibility for his brother, can't grasp why in the world he would continue to carry crimes their own culprit felt no blame for. But she does know one thing.

"It wasn't your fault Thor." She says quietly. She resents Loki, but she'd never delude herself enough to think that that madman's actions were solely on someone else's shoulders.

"Do you…" the blonde hesitates when he looks at her. "Do you fear what I may use my magic for?"

"I…" It does, it really does worry her, but she lets out a calming sigh and looks into his big blue eyes, honest and caring.

"I'm wary," she finally admits. "But I know you and I don't think you'd ever hurt me on purpose. And if you did, then… you really are a better actor than anyone gives you credit for."

A small smile crosses her lips and Thor smiles back at her, his face full of relief. He lets out a chuckle.

They are quiet for a while longer. A wave of wind passes them, pushing through the fallen leaves that roll and trot at a slow pace over the cobblestone walkway.

"I would not say my seidr is my soul." The blond continues after a moment passes. "But it _is_ a part of me, my essence, part of… my being." He touches his chest like he had before, Natasha notes and wonders if he can feel it there, his _seidr_.

"Do you feel it?" She is curious.

"Yes." He smiles at her, content. "It feels safe. It is like… a rain that never stops." He chuckles, "I've not tried to explain it before; it might sound foolish to you."

She shakes her head no and prompts him to go on.

"I'm really not sure if I am able to explain what I do but… I believe I may tell you what if feels like from my own perspective." He looks at the sky, thinking. "My mother, for example, even when she is too far away to touch, if she is looking for me with her seidr there is a sense I have of not being alone, like being cloaked and secure. Hers is gentle and quiet, but… it feels strong, very strong, not forceful but… strong like my will. Like sunrays." He looks at her with a smile then. "But I only notice because she wants me too. The All Mother… she's one witch not to be trifled with."

She can almost picture sun bathed halls of gold and marble, a shining queen dressed in the best fabric, a noble brow and wise eyes.

"That's beautiful Thor." Natasha says, still mulling over his words. "But I'm afraid I still don't understand." She shakes her head, lips pressed together in thought.

It feels like sunlight, he said. She concentrates on the feeling of the sun on her face, but still can't grasp what he's trying to say. To her, the sun is just warm on the surface of her body.

Thor rubs at his beard, thinking of other ways to explain. He laughs then and sighs.

"I confess, probably anyone else in my family could tell you better how seidr works." He passes a distracted hand through his golden locks. "All of them are great scholars and sorcerers, they have always been so. Myself… I always was a rowdy child unfortunately, never had the patience for lessons that did not involve the mastery of a new weapon." He gives her a regretful smile. "I am sorry."

"I guess all those people you used to help back in the day took your godliness at face value?" She jokes to disperse his well hidden preoccupation at being unable to deliver her good enough answers.

"Perhaps I could show you?" He suggests cautiously "Nothing invasive, just on a surface level; it'll be like calling your attention." He assures her.

"What do you have in mind?" Natasha allows a moment later. She's already told him she trusts him, might as well prove her vote of confidence a little further.

He looks around the park until he spots the fountain at the center.

"I will walk away within eyes distance over there," he eyes the fountain "I'll reach for you with my seidr and that will be all." Thor looks at her "If you wish me to stop just say the word."

"Okay." She accepts and he gives her a resurging smile.

Natasha observes him walk away, she can still see him, but if he spoke to her she probably wouldn't be able to tell unless he shouted.

Thor waves at her exaggeratedly from his position and she waves back, amused.

A moment passes.

Then she gasps softly at the unexpected sensation that culminates in the center of her chest. Perhaps if she were anywhere else she wouldn't've noticed, or maybe she would've shrugged it off as something else, but… She can feel something, like wind blowing very softly over her skin or a humming, a gentle vibration. It feels…

Natasha tries concentrating on the feeling; she knows she's felt this before, but what is it?

It dawns on her. It feels like a watered down version of Thor standing beside her. He is always so much larger than life, sunny and bright, and she can always feel him when he's close to her. This feels like that, his seidr, like the vague notion of someone's presence. _Thor_.

The feeling goes away, and Natasha's still a bit amazed if she's honest with herself.

_Magic_. She almost gives into the desire to laugh. Her life is ridiculous.

If anyone had told her she'd experience the magical powers of a god a few years back, she probably would've asked this person if they had considered professional help. Or maybe just glare into submission the very bad joke.

Thor is already walking back towards her.

"Well?" He inquires.

Under his happy smile she detects a drop of concern for her reaction. He's still worried the bad experiences with his brother will tint this in a negative light.

"It feels… like you." She chuckles, it's hard to explain, just like Thor had said. "Is this what you'd do when you check me?"

"Aye, but quite different. Here I just wanted to call your attention. What I would have to do is much more extensive, I do have to tell what was done inside you, if there is damage or if something was taken away. All of this, of course, if you still would like to do it." He adds at the end, not taking for granted her choice.

She wants to smile. If only she could make copies of Thor and set them free on earth to teach the many men in need of it some basic manners.

She's already decided this at least.

"Yeah. I would like you to check. Just to see what you'd need to do I…" She holds in the sudden rush of heat that wants to crawl to her neck. She never explained this to him and she doesn't want to think about what he thinks she wants. And saying it out loud would be embarrassing if nothing else.

"Excellent m'lady! We can proceed with this at any time of your choosing." He claims with his usual boisterousness, now that the seriousness of the topic has passed.

"I want to make clear first," she jumps in before he can go further down that excitement. He seemed like the kind of person who'd get in a toasting mood about _that._ "I'm not doing this because I want kids." She finally admits to him.

His eyebrows rise a little, there is perhaps a little confusion in his eyes and questions he's not sure he should ask.

Smart man.

"I…" Natasha sighs "I don't want this because of… my internal clock ticking or anything like that. When I was in the Red Room-" she looks at Thor. "The place they trained me, they took things from me. So, _so many_ different things, one of them was _this_ and… I'm doing my best to get what I can back. Last night when you told us what you could do and I realized…"

The god places a hand on her shoulder and smiles understandingly.

"Very well." He says a moment later. "Shall we go back to the tower? I believe food is in order." He puts a smooth end to the topic.

She feels relieved again. Natasha closes her eyes for a second and lets go of the tension in her body.

"Is Tony ordering in? I could do with some fancy food." She says as they start heading back.

The sky is bright blue as they head to their temporary home to their sort of family.

Natasha needs to tell Clint about this new development… that might not end as well as it probably could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Abril: Hullo everyone! I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter :D
> 
> A brief explanation on my interpretation of seidir and the way Natasha feels it. I do picture Thor's seidir feeling more than Natasha described, but she, as someone who does not possess seidir, cannot grasp full how it feels.
> 
> Catch you all later and have a very pleasant day.


	5. True Friends Know No Gentleness

"Are you stupid?" He asks, completely serious.

"Excuse me?" Natasha's head jerks slightly, she has never felt more indignant at a question in her entire life.

"Are you stupid?" He repeats, his tone half a step away from condescending. "Have you lost your fucking mind?"

"Keep talking to me like that Clint." She warns, her lips downturned as a faint simmer of anger begins to grow inside her chest. Had it been anyone else she wouldn't have spared them even a fraction of emotion, but the fact that this is _Clint_, her _friend,_ that stings.

"I will if you keep saying stupid shit to my face." The archer's own angry frown colors the whole of his face unpleasantly.

"Are you serious right now?" Taking an invisible breath, she tries to bring their conversation back under control, she _knew_ this would happen. "I know this is a touchy subject for you but-"

"A touchy subject? _Touchy_? Natasha you're telling me this as if you didn't have _**any**_ knowledge of what fucking magic _does_ to people." He isn't shouting but it's a near thing, every word is spiteful and forcefully said.

"Clint, you're not thinking about this clearly." She tries reasoning.

"There's _no one_ who thinks more clearly about this damned subject than _me_. You're not doing it." He says in a voice that calls the topic ended and closed.

"What, are you supposed to be my father now?" Natasha has to resist the urge to roll her eyes and remind herself she isn't a child. Clint isn't one either, but he seems to have forgotten that.

"When you're behaving like a stupid kid-" He leaves the sentence in the air between them.

"Clint!" She barks at him "Don't _talk_ to me like that. I am your friend, not the enemy and much less someone who doesn't know what they're doing." The redhead chastises him just as forcefully.

"I just don't _understand_ why we're even talking about this, why you're even considering this." Clint lets go of a fraction of his anger and through the cracks she sees the real emotion underneath- he's scared.

"I'm not doing this out of the blue Clint. I've thought about it a lot. It's not… I haven't decided yet." She confesses and the archer perks slightly.

"You don't _need_ this Tasha, you-" He's pleading with her now but silences at her sharp look. "Sorry, _sorry_." He amends breathless.

She says nothing but visibly softens towards him.

"I've talked to Thor about it." She offers and catches his fear molding into anger beneath his badly controlled expression.

"Magic is a dangerous thing. _Magic_-" He spats the word like it tastes of poison in his mouth.

"Things are not black and white and I know you know that." She's centered now, she knew this conversation wouldn't be easy, she knew Clint's fear almost as much as she knew her own.

"_Why_ would you even want to risk that?" His eyes are angry, desperate, pleading, everything they can be to try and stop her from making this choice. "Why stick your hand into the fire if you know you get burned?"

"Why cook with fire if you can get hurt?" Natasha says back at him with a little smirk. "After all you can eat everything raw, right?"

The blond narrows his eyes and his face contorts funnily.

"And what, am I not cautionary tale enough for you?" He crosses his arms and stabs his blues into her own. "Is my fucked up, messy, violated mind not warning enough?"

"You are and it is," she concedes that. "And I've considered what happened to you alongside many other things. Clint, this is not about you dissuading me from my choices. What parts I've already decided are already decided, and what I haven't you won't have a part in taking and neither are you changing my mind. This is _not_ a discussion; it's not up for debate. I'm telling you because you're my _friend_ and this is something important that shouldn't be a secret between us." She tries to be kind, but her friend is losing what small control over himself he'd achieved.

"You don't know what you're doing." Clint's voice rasps as he shakes his head. "You're taking a risk not even worth thinking about. You're just- you're just gonna let him _do_ things to your body?" He looks horrified, like he can see the train derailing but can do nothing to stop it. "_Things_ none of us really understand, because, a few years back? They _weren't real_."

Natasha frowns. "We're talking about Thor Clint, not some evil wizard in disguise that wants to do me harm. Don't you trust him?" she pokes at his loyalties.

"I… _of course_ I trust him" he grimaces. "You know I do but… I also trust Cooper to be a responsible brother, but I'm not letting him cook Lila a meal, he'd burn the house down _and_ probably poison her without meaning too."

"Clint." She takes a breath and a step closer to him, placing her hands on his shoulders. "Thor's been alive since before electricity was a thing, and he was probably old enough back then to be the Asgardian equivalent of legally of age. I think I can trust him to handle a bit of magic that he's been managing since before this country was discovered."

She raises a pointed eyebrow and beneath her hands she feels him deflating slightly.

"Natasha…" It's almost a whine, but it's just passable enough that it won't be called out as such.

"I trust him." She says with conviction. "I trust that he is good of heart and that he wouldn't lie to me about how much experience he has with this. He's that kind of person, you know?"

"Yeah I know." Clint grunts and lets his head fall on her shoulder. "I'm just worried."

"I know you are, I _knew_ you would be, that's why I'm telling you." She rubs his arms up and down a bit.

There's a quiet moment between them, where they just lean against one another.

"So you're going through with this?" The blond asks a while later, his forehead still on her shoulder.

"I don't know yet. But…" Natasha thinks about it for a moment and her next words ring true as she says them out loud. "I think I _really_ might."

Clint raises his head to look at her, he studies her face, trying to figure her out.

"_You_ taught me that I could have a choice." She tells him earnestly, and even the thought of it fills her heart with how much she loves this stupid man. "That it was okay to _want_ things just because I wanted them and not for some ulterior motive. And hearing Thor say what he could do, just by waving a hand and doing some _magic_?" She grins at that because she still can't wrap her head around how ridiculous it is and it's _wonderful_.

"He's the magic man." Clint tries joking, but his eyes are sad.

"I have never told you this, but I'm _so grateful_ for what you've taught me Clint. I'm so damned grateful I get to decide things and live out what follows after making choices." Her smile is so thankful it reaches right into the archer's heart.

"You've never had to," he smiles tentatively.

"I know." She chuckles "But still."

Clint sighs out and closes his eyes.

"I also know you don't need me saying this, but if not for your sake, then let me say this for my own." He takes a deep breath and tells her with serious eyes. "Anything fishy, anything that doesn't feel right, you tell him to stop, or you come to me. Or if you want to hold a hand while it's happening-"

"I'll come to you." She finishes and her heart swells again, and treasures his words where no evil will ever reach them.

The tension left in his shoulders slips away and he inhales more calmly now. She can see he still doesn't like it, but he's not prepared to fight her on this anymore.

"We could ask Thor to come and give a little bust up to your plants if it'll make you feel better." She says as she gestures to the not-yet-dead plants on his window.

The blond scoffs.

"They're perfectly fine as they are, thank you very much. I take good care of them." He defends his gardening prowess "I _do_ know how to care for living things, I have a farm I'll have you know."

"Yeah, they could be better though." She grins.

"Whatever." Clint rolls his eyes but his playful smile doesn't escape her.

Natasha lets out a breath of her own at another step taken and succeeded without anyone getting majorly hurt. Now she can proceed and discover exactly what she's getting herself into.


	6. Assessment Of A Body

"So, how come you can go around the country road tripping on your bike, that I bought mind you, and not bring us souvenirs?" Tony asks with a petulant frown on his brow.

"I kinda think souvenirs are a waste of money." Steve answers honestly, if a little apologetic, helmet on the kitchen counter, fresh off his motorcycle.

"But you _have_ money to spend, that's what it's _for_." The engineer whines dramatically.

"Tony not everyone has lived all their lives throwing away money like you, some people have to think of the future. It's integrated in our system." Bruce chimes in with a gentle voice and a little grin. He's standing beside Steve looking at the several postcards the man had brought back from his trip.

"And I can perfectly understand that," Tony assures them. "But why not take advantage of the money if you have it, and you _do_ have it. There are no financial problems to be thinking about at this time! Live a little, enjoy it while you can!" He gestures grandly around at nothing at all.

The conversation goes on as all of them present their own point of view on the subject, lounging as they are around the white marble top of the bar beside the kitchen.

Natasha takes a look at Thor, who's happily munching on a bowl of cashew nuts as he enjoys the light bickering like it was a soccer match. She takes her chance and walks around the bar to takes the empty stool next to him.

Thor offers her a slight nod of a greeting and pushes the bowl between them.

"So," she says quietly, not willing to disrupt the discussion and bring attention to the two of them "when are we doing this?" she pops a cashew into her mouth and looks at him.

Thor grins at her, pleased.

"Whenever you have the time." He answers just as quietly. They don't whisper though, that would be too suspicious and Tony has the longest nose when it comes to other people's business.

"I'm not doing anything tonight." Natasha shrugs as she looks at Clint, who's finally sided with Tony on the way money should be spent. "You?"

"I have a call with my lady Jane, but after that, the night is ours. Does the 9th hour suit you?" Thor asks, stuffing his face with an outrageous amount of nuts.

"Sure, sounds good."

* * *

_Natasha: tell me when you finish your call_

_Thor: Certainly._

_Thor: Would you like to proceed in my quarters or your own?_

The redhead stops to think and would've chuckled if she wasn't actually feeling a little anxious. It anyone read their messages it would look like they were arranging a casual hook up.

She turns to her bright phone screen and thinks about it a little more.

_Natasha: mine_

She sends without further explanation. As she is right now, a little familiarity of her surroundings wouldn't go amiss. A thought pops in her head.

_Natasha: do I need to wear any specific type of clothes?_

_Thor: Comfortable and loose ones if possible._

_Natasha: ok_

She sighs and centers herself. Nothing was happening today, they are just going to check her body so Thor will be well informed in case they go through with this. This isn't different from any other medical check she's had.

She turns out her screen and lies down on her bed and waits. Tuning the world out, she performs a few breathing exercises. And. Just. Waits.

* * *

_Thor: I am finished._

_Thor: I'll be with you in a few minutes._

_Natasha: :)_

She lets him in as soon as he knocks on her door and, the blond still waits for her to invite him in, even though that's the whole point of the two of them meeting.

"Make yourself at home." Natasha tells him and he laughs.

"You do not want to offer me that, my friend." Thor tells her jokingly but there's a notch of truth in his statement.

"Okay," she smiles a little. She walks to the center of the room, in a loose combo of pants and a baggy shirt. She turns to him "So, how do we do this?"

Natasha presents herself ready and confident, she suspects a little too confidently perhaps but there's no way around that. She's letting herself show, she's being vulnerable on purpose, very few people are privy to this side of her. She's pretty sure Thor's not really aware that he's now part of a small sloth of people who she lets view her without too many shrouds and shadows.

"I would have you laying on your bed for better access. It's easier for both of us if you are as relaxed as possible so nothing will interfere with my readings." He says professionally but warmly.

Just like any other medical check indeed.

She sighs imperceptibly but nods firmly.

"Do you need me to take my shirt off?" She asks, because she's been wondering about it for a while and she'd rather get it out of the way.

"No, just raising it will be fine for now." Thor tells her as she sits and lies down as comfortably a she can get.

_For now_. Which means some point along the way she'll definitely have to take it off. Natasha sighs mentally, better to know beforehand anyway.

"Would you mind terribly if I sat on your bed?" He asks, a little sheepish under the professional exterior.

"Not at all." She chuckles "Just take your shoes off please."

He nods and takes off his boots. Natasha scoots over so the blond has enough space to sit with his legs crossed. He rests his arms on his knees and looks at her questionably.

"Ready to begin?"

"Born ready." She says with little humor. She raises her shirt just below her bra and works quietly on more breathing exercises.

"If you feel uncomfortable at any moment, please let me know." He tells her.

She can tell he's trying his best to be calm and collected, to avoid making her feel anything but okay with the situation. Natasha nods and he raises his hands and hovers them on top of her skin.

"I really hope Tony doesn't have cameras in our rooms. This would be quite hard to explain." She says jokingly to make a bit of conversation.

Thor's eyes are closes but he chuckles at her comment.

"Indeed, though I would enjoy denying him any information. I delight much to ruffle his feathers when he can't find concrete answers." he tells her quietly.

The redhead huffs incredulously. Clint and her had long suspected Thor enjoyed riling up Tony and Bruce by making himself obtuse but had never had proof of it.

"Now, I mean no offense, but I need my whole concentration for this." He tells her.

"Of course. Sorry." She adds but Thor only shakes his head, waving away her apologies.

They are quiet. The only sounds in the room are both of their deep breathing. With nothing else to distract her, Natasha feels it.

She feels an almost imperceptible humming, a gentle vibration where the blond is hovering his hands on top of her stomach. The feeling is cool and it moves as he moves his hands; a little up over her ribcage, then slowly going down the top of her belly and lower still. It goes on for a while until she gets used to the running sensation. Its almost like… like…

It's almost like water running inside her, cool and fluid and gentle.

She exhales a bit more sharply than she had been. Thor's hands twitch but he doesn't stop.

"Are you all right?" He questions without opening his eyes, he looks serene as he works.

"Yeah." She answers calmly, not wishing to disrupt his work.

She observes him, immersed and concentrated, his blond eyebrows frown a little and unexpectedly he presses the tips of his fingers on her lower abdomen. She keeps herself centered and breathing evenly.

The feeling of his seidr recedes slowly from her body as he takes his hands away.

"All right." He says, blue eyes opening and focusing, like he's coming back to himself.

"That's all?" She sits up and shuffles back so she can lean on the headboard.

"That is all." He nods and smiles, placing his arms back over his knees.

"So, what's the diagnose doc?" Natasha breaks the little silence between them.

Thor quirks his eyebrows a little but ignores the comment he can't quite understand with a gracious smile.

"I think I know what I need now. It's a bit different from what I'm used to but nothing too hard to adjust too. This only leaves us with one pending question…" He looks at her with a raised eyebrow.

This is it. This is the moment. Another choice taken or forfeit.

Her heart beats rapidly and she catches sight of Thor's expression softening.

"You can think about it some more if you like? There is no rush at all my lady, the world has many days to live yet and they do not hurry."

But she already knows her answer. She's known it for a while now.

"No." Natasha shakes her head. "That won't be necessary I… I want to do this." She says softly though her words are firm. She exhales, like a weight has been lifted from her chest.

A smile spreads on the Thunder god's lips. "It will be my absolute pleasure to perform this task." He says nobly.

She feels far away, in a time where knights made vows and gestures of honor lived and breathed. She smiles as well.

"When do we start?"

"Not tonight." He chuckles and gets down from her bed. "I need to gather some herbs, flowers… a few other things."

Natasha begins nodding but stops as she reads his body language.

"You mean like… right now?" She asks anyway.

"Aye," he pops in his second boot and stands, stares into the night sky through the window for a moment. "The night seems gracious today, quite fine for a flight." He turns at her with a sunny expression. "Why waste such a perfect time to go as this?"

"I suppose." She thinks for a moment "What will you tell the others?"

"They are used to my comings and goings, they won't find it odd," he assures her. "I'll leave a note that 'll be visiting my Lady Jane." His look turns goofy. "Which will not be a lie."

The redhead blows out a shaky breath. She really is doing this.

The god turns to her and walks to the bed.

"How do you fare?" He asks kindly.

"I'm not sure," Natasha huffs "I'm feeling way too many things I'll definitely be unpacking when you leave, but… nothing too bad." And she is certain of what she says.

"Good." He pats her arm in comradery and straightens. "I'll be seeing you war sister." He gives her a slight bow.

When she's alone once more, she stands up and walks to the window. Natasha stays there until a shadow crosses the sky like a shooting star. She rests her forehead on the cool glass and prepares herself for another restless night.


	7. Intermezzo - Waiting For The Rain

Thor is gone for a whole week. He's gone and all of the stupid week is sunny; there's not a single cloud in the sky. It feels unreasonable to think so, but it's like the climate is mocking her. She feels spiteful on behalf of Thor for this.

How dare the weather not have _one single_ lonely raincloud in his absence?

Natasha thinks about that, about the sunny day and how happy rain makes Thor. She ponders on how she's learned to associate light rains with Thor's good moods. Even before all this happened, if the blond wasn't there but there was rain, she'd remember him; gray clouds brought back his noble yet happy disposition, the winds reminded her of his power and the thunder… well, there isn't much more to say about _that_ particular aspect.

"Hey." Clint greets her and bumps his shoulder against her. They're on the penthouse terrace, leaning against the rail and looking out at the city.

Her partner looks down at his arms for a moment and then at her.

"Thor stood you up or something?" He asks quietly.

In his voice, there's not a single trace of contempt at the prospect or the distrust he had shown her about the debated subject; there was only the gentle concern of a worried friend.

She sighs but smiles, turning to him. "He's coming back, he just needs to find a few things first."

Clint nods but doesn't say much more. The wind brushes against them and even up here they are assaulted at times by the constant smog of the thousand cars of the city.

"You've been looking a little dejected all week, I was starting to worry." The archer admits.

"I'm okay." Natasha rests her head on his shoulder for a moment. "Just a little anxious that's all."

Clint breaths in and she feels the movement through the rise of his body.

"I'm here for you." He says.

Natasha sighs and closes her eyes. "Thank you."

As they contemplate the city skyline, she wishes it would rain for a few minutes, she thinks it'll make her feel if only a little better.

She keeps waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Abril: Hello everyone! I bring you a small chapter because creativity has been sparse lately. I hope everyone's staying safe and caring for themselves.


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